Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
