He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
