She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
