Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
