I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
