Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
