a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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