I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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