the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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