im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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