I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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