I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
