the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Boobs are out for the taking
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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