Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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