Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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