I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
