Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
