The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
