I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
