I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
