I hate all girls vehemently.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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