I'm lost and stupid without you.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
