I'm gonna have a badass scar
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I need water and some morals
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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