I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
