Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
