I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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