I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
