when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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