I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
