I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
