her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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