I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
