i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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