a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
