The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
