ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
