sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
