addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
