$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just found puke in my bra..
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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