I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
