remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
