I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
