The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
