Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
