I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
