I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
