ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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