if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
