I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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