you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
