You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
