i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
