what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
