would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
